We just announced that we are expecting our fourth child (third child here on earth with us) today. Our expected due date is November 2nd! To be honest my husband and I considered not telling anyone until May which would have been about halfway through the pregnancy. When you have children so close together there will be inevitably questions and comments that will come up. Usually these are meant with the best of intentions. When you start heading into the “large family” territory you will start getting even more questions and comments. So, instead of repeatedly answering these, I thought I would get a head start here.
1. Were you trying for a girl? Are you hoping for a girl?
We have two wonderful, crazy, boisterous boys. Honestly, we don’t care what gender our next child is. All I am praying for is a safe pregnancy and that baby gets here safely. We were not trying for a girl. We haven’t ever had the intentions of trying for one gender or the other. I can already tell that our family is understandably hoping for a girl, but we can’t change what has already been set. So either way, we will continue to be thankful for the blessing of a another beautiful child.
2. Don’t you know what causes that?
Yes we do, and we are pretty great at it. 😉 We are adults, we understand the birds and the bees. Through my personal study of Natural Family Planning, I understand how my body and cycles work better than most women. And before it comes up, no this baby was not a result of Natural Family Planning not working.
3. You need to use birth control! You need to get on xyz birth control!
Last I checked my husband and I are the ones having sex and as a result the ones who will be making the decisions regarding what type or if we use birth control. I can ensure you that I have very thoroughly researched each form of birth control available on the market. I have my personal, moral and scientific reasons for the birth control choices I make. If I ever want anyone’s input I will ask.
4. Was it planned?
Does this really matter? If I tell you “yes” are you going to treat the child any differently than if we told you “no.” A child is a blessing whether we “planned” it or didn’t.
5. Are you trying for (insert sports team here)
Surprisingly we started hearing this after we announced our third pregnancy (second boy). Yes, this is sort of funny the first few times, but after a while it gets old. My default answer is we are trying for a football team and a lacrosse team.
6. How many do you plan on having?!
Usually said with a little bit of incredulity. Again, at this point does that matter? We love our children, we love raising children and we wouldn’t change a thing. As I’ve explained before, we eventually planning on fostering/adopting children as well. So we will be welcoming new children into our family for some time. But if you really must have an answer, we have formally challenged the Duggars and I must birth more than 20 kids!
7. Wow! You really have your hands full!
This is usually said in public and usually in a “poor you” tone of voice. Yes, I’m sure I look like a sleep deprived, frazzled, crazy women most days. I don’t need anyone to tell me that my boys can be a handful. Kids are learning and are always a handful no matter their ages, genders or personalities. A much better comment is an encouraging word, or a compliment (if my boys do happen to be behaving) or just a nice smile. That goes a lot further.
8. Any suggestion of “taking care of it”
I know our family and friends are much smarter and caring then to say anything that implies we should be aborting our child. I don’t expect this comment to be an issue from them.
But for the general public that reads this blog, it is NEVER EVER appropriate to suggest to someone that they should “take care of it” in reference to a pregnancy/baby they have announced. Surprisingly I have heard of complete strangers/coworkers/family members saying these comments to expecting mothers, especially those who already have children. This is never ok to say. Just don’t go there.
So there are 7 comments/questions I know will be coming up over the next 9 months and 1 comment that I covered for all the other mothers who may be expecting again. As well meaning as most people will mean to be, a lot of these are simply inappropriate to be saying/asking.
In the meantime, if you want to congratulate us or ask us how the pregnancy is going, feel free. Just remember that our bedroom and reproductive/family choices are for us to make.