If You Are Going to be Passive Aggressive at Least Get Your Facts Straight

So this is my blog and I can post whatever I wish, but I better warn you that this is a vent post. It is also quite lengthy but I believe worth it. It is also once again abortion related. I told myself the other day that I should really write about something more light for a change, but these posts keep coming to me much more easily. These are about real world issues, and important matters we cannot ignore. That being said, you can continue reading to find what has me so frustrated or stop here and read something about the beautiful spring days and flowers. I won’t mind.

So I got into a very heated discussion on Facebook with an old friend over my post “Why I am Pro-Life.” While she made a few legitimate points in her argument, for the most part I was able to disprove many of her points. Her information was lacking and her facts were misinformed. 

Throughout the conversation she accused me of not caring about children after they were born. Which I informed her that I planned on adopting and fostering children and that not only had my mother worked with foster children she had been one herself. So I understood that the adoption and foster system is flawed and messed up in many ways. She also accused me of not paying attention to the news (after she cited incorrect information) and of not knowing how to use Google. After 2 days of this it finally ended when she said that the unborn child was a parasite. I provided links scientifically proving that this was not true. She responded that I should try to prove my points without using bias pro-life sites. Ok, she has a point there, I should be trying to use non-bias sites. So I reproved both of my facts again using about 10+ unbias citations for each one. In addition to this she accused me of not citing my information, even though she had only cited her information once during the whole conversation while I had tried to cite everything. Oh, and before the parasite comment she made I had only used a handful of bias websites. The majority of my sites were non-bias. After that she didn’t say anything more to me.
Getting the picture yet? I don’t mind folks disagreeing with me. I do however mind rudeness, aggressive behavior, and ignorance. This was really the first time we had bashed heads, and I decided that I wasn’t going to unfriend her. She had a right to her opinions, which she had made well known. I’m not going to unfriend someone because we disagree.
So I went on today and found a very passive aggressive post from her. It made me laugh and at the same time a little frustrated. I don’t know what is worse, someone who is outright aggressive or someone who is passively aggressive. Now before I get into what this post involved I want to make it clear that I am not writing this to bash her. She has every right to her opinion and I respect that. However her post contained so many incorrect facts and passive aggressive attitude that I needed to vent someplace about it. I am not going to reveal this woman’s name but I will share some of what she wrote to everyone on her Facebook. I will not tolerate any rude comments directed at her, so please keep it civil. I also understand that I am being a little passive aggressive in posting this but it was either write it here or rant to my husband for the next 2 weeks.

So this is in response to “An Open Letter to Wendy Davis” which I had shared on my Facebook wall. Her post begins like this,

“I found this gem on the internet from my Facebook feed from someone who I’m genuinely surprised is still Facebook friends with me. It’s surprising in a “Huh, so that’s what a thousand year old mummy looks like under the wrappings” kind of way and not a “Oh wow I got this amazing thing” kind of way.”

So reading this I figured that this post was probably directed towards me. Other things in the post further down verified that she was indeed referencing me. So the fact that we are still friends on Facebook is surprising in a ” ‘Huh, so that’s what a thousand year old mummy looks like under the wrappings’ kind of way.” So I don’t know about my friend here, but personally I find a naked thousand year old mummy quite disgusting and gruesome. I not sure how to take this comment honestly. For the most part I can’t stop laughing whenever I think about it. Apparently my “friend” does not care for me very much since the fact that I still have her on Facebook is not surprising in a ” ‘Oh wow I got this amazing thing’ kind of way.” That much was very clear.
Taking this further I started thinking about our relationship in high school. This friend knew I was Christian and that we had very very different views. However I got along with her because I was willing to agree to disagree. At that point I did not feel prepared to really debate with other people. Also there were some points that we did agree on.  So maybe this whole mummy analogy is referring to the fact that she had never seen me really speak about my true beliefs. Ok, well that makes a little more sense if I interpret it that way.

“ANYWAY, this letter is called an ‘Open Letter To Wendy Davis’ and makes me want to just scream in frustration. I’m rather open to other beliefs, because if you believe one thing and I happen to believe another that’s fine. It’s when your beliefs infringe on my RIGHTS that I will speak up and defend my rights.

What are these rights you might ask that are under attack? My right, as an adult women of reproductive age, to obtain an abortion legally. So many committees, surprisingly spare on vaginas and rather cluttered with penises, have been trying to restrict abortions by passing total bullshit legislation.”

From my viewpoint she had missed a few things. Like the fact that some pro-choice legislation is pushing not only for adult women to have access to abortion but also teenage girls WITHOUT parental knowledge or consent. I have often heard pro-choice advocates upset when a state enforces parental notification laws. Why? Because they claim it doesn’t allow a women to have control of her body. Planned Parenthood particularly doesn’t like this laws. For example they sued Montana over their parental notification laws.  This laws enforced the following,

“One passed by Montana voters in 2012 requiring any girl under 16 to notify a parent before obtaining an abortion. The law, passed as a referendum placed on the ballot by the 2011 Legislature, took effect in January. It passed with 70.5 percent of the voters in favor.

A bill passed by the 2013 Legislature that would supersede the current law, requiring all girls under 18 to get notarized parental consent before having an abortion. The law is scheduled to take effect July 1.”

Every other medical procedure requires parental notification and consent. There is no reason why abortion should not be the same. Unfortunately many pro-choicers (not all) think that parents should not know, even though their daughter is undergoing a medical procedure with medical risks.
The second thing my friend has missed is the fact that it is not just her rights that matter. The unborn child also has the right to life. There are two genetically unique individuals whose futures and lives are at stake here. One of them has no way to speak up yet.  However considering that she also believes that this genetically unique person is a parasite I can see why she believes that we are only trying to restrict her rights.

“The legislation that Senator Wendy Davis stood against would prohibit abortions after 20 weeks. The law, as it stands, prohibits abortion after a fetus becomes ‘viable’ which very loose terminology since with medical advances the length of gestation in which a fetus is viable has been getting shorter and shorter. I am thrilled about what Senator Wendy Davis did, because it was a stand for a woman’s right to choose what she does with her body.”

Again we ignore the rights of the child. It is not just your body we are talking about. Here are some of the things that a 20 weeks old baby has developed or can do taken from my 4th edition of ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting”:

  • – Baby’s heart is beating by 6 weeks
  • – By week 9 muscles are developing and being used
  • – By 10 weeks a boy’s testes will be producing testosterone; By 11 weeks a girls ovaries will be developed.
  • – By week 12 most of babies systems (e.g. digestive system etc) are formed and still maturing
  • – By week 14 they will start growing hair
  • – By week 15 a baby in utero can wiggle their fingers and toes and even suck their thumb. They can also breathe (though at this point they are practicing by breathing amniotic fluid), suck and swallow.
  • – By week 16 baby’s eyes can detect light and are working even though they are still closed. Baby is also sensitive to touch and will squirm if you poke your belly.
  • – By week 17 baby’s heartbeat is fully regulated by the brain to keep a steady beat.
  • – By week 18 baby has their own unique fingerprints.
  • – By week 20 the baby is a size of a small cantaloupe. You should definitely be able to tell the sex by now. A girls ovaries at this age will already be holding about 7 million eggs and her uterus is fully formed. You should also be able to feel the movements that the baby has been practicing since about 9 weeks old.

Secondly, yes medical technology is making it so that the point of viability outside of the womb will be younger and younger. However the youngest child to survive outside the womb at this point was 21 weeks and 5 days old. The generally accepted age of viability is 24 weeks. This is likely not changing anytime soon because medical technology has not come to the point where they can give a child born before 24 weeks a high chance of surviving. ‘Viable’ is not a loose terminology when the accepted point of viability is 24 weeks by the majority of medical professionals. Texas law currently prohibits abortions after the third trimester. Which means that anytime before 26 weeks a child can be aborted.

Wendy Davis stood for 12 hours, without any breaks WHATSOEVER, and kept talking and sharing the stories of women from around the country. She did this to keep the other senators from voting on the bill, which was opposed by 70% of the state, and she was successful. Head Bitch In Charge indeed.”

This bill was not opposed by 70% of the state of Texas. In fact it was supported by the majority. Please check your facts. The reason it did not pass the first time is due to Wendy Davis filibustering it, AND the pro-choice supporters who were screaming and chanting so loudly that it delayed voting until after 12am. Therefore legally the bill could not be passed even though it was voted in favor of by the majority.

A more professional poll was conducted by the University of Texas and the Texas Tribune. It shows that 46 percent of Texans think abortion should either be illegal or only legal in the cases of rape, incest, or when there is danger to the life of the mother. Only 36 percent thought abortion should be a matter of personal choice. The rest declined to respond or felt that abortion should be available only when need was clearly established. This is consistent with survey results from other red states. More importantly, this poll shows that banning abortion after 20 weeks of gestation — one of the provisions of SB5 — has the support of over 62 percent of Texas residents.”

“The author of the letter brings up a good point about some abortion clinics, in that there are some that are dangerous and unsanitary and run by unlicensed and ignorant staff, but he words it so that it sounds like EVERY clinic is like that. He tries to use fear, fear of women dying or contracting serious infection, to support his ‘pro-life’ stance. Yes, medical clinics of all kinds should be regulated but under the SAME REGULATIONS. The dirty clinics run by doctors with revoked licenses are normally in poor sections of the city, and are some of the most accessible to the working poor and minorities, and the exploit the women desperate to end the unwanted pregnancies. It’s unfortunate, but you can’t paint every clinic with the same brush. Regulations, without restrictions, would keep poorer citizens from being exploited.”

I can agree with the fact that medical clinics of all kinds should be regulated with the same regulations. That is what this bill would have done. It would have held abortion clinics to the same standards as all outpatient clinics. Also there have been many doctors brought to trial who did not have revoked licenses, and whose medical practices had been reported numerous times but these complaints had been ignored. Many states will not regulate abortion clinics at all because they are afraid that they will be accused of preventing a women’s access to abortion. This is not preventing a women’s access at all. This is holding these clinics to the same medical standards as we do other medical offices. In the process of making sure that the abortion clinics in Texas were safer, yes most of them would have had to close OR make changes to meet the regulation requirements. As a person who is pro-life I think it is good that abortion clinics are being closed. Even if I were to look at it from a pro-choice point of view, isn’t it good that these clinics will be held to the normal standard and made to follow rules that would keep women safer during this procedure? How can you argue against that? Don’t you want women to have safe access to abortions?

“The paragraph that was pointed out when I saw this link was, “One more thing: You keep making the point that men have no right to have an opinion about abortion, and they certainly ought to have no say in whether their children live or die. Thanks for this. Please, keep trying to drive that wedge between men and women and men and their children. If there’s one thing our society needs to do, it’s stop men from caring about their families. There is just TOO much paternal involvement in society and it’s really becoming a problem. I mean, what good is it to simply turn women against their own children if we aren’t also turning them against their husbands, and disconnecting their husbands from their children? Let the message ring out: Men shouldn’t give a crap about kids! Hooray! Freedom!”

All I can think of when I read that is FUCK YOU. You say that men should have a right to make a decision regarding a fetus, but unless you are carrying the damn thing and could potentially die due to complications you don’t get to say anything. Sure, if you are going to make such a huge decision (and it is don’t get me wrong, but it’s a decision that women have the right to make) you should talk with your partner but sometimes he’s an asshole or you’ve escaped an unhealthy relationship and can’t talk with him. Men think they have some right just because the fetus has 25% of their DNA, and they don’t. It comes down to the fact that the fetus lives inside a woman for 9 months, and a man doesn’t even factor into anything until before conception to after birth.

Women haven’t turned against their own children, it’s a fetus until it’s born and until then it’s a just a bundle of cells that don’t have some inherent right to exist, they are making decisions that affect their lives and those around them. A fetus is starting to get more rights than an adult female in regards to reproduction, until the moment it is born and has the misfortune of being female. Then their rights are diminished right alongside it’s mother’s.”

Ok, so the paragraph that is quoted by her is one that I quoted from the original post. In case you did not read the original blog post that started this all, let me explain that the author was being highly sarcastic about Wendy Davis and what she did. Now here is the part that really made me laugh.
Men think they have some right just because the fetus has 25% of their DNA, and they don’t. It comes down to the fact that the fetus lives inside a woman for 9 months, and a man doesn’t even factor into anything until before conception to after birth.

“25% of their DNA” huh? Last time I looked in a biology textbook a child is 50% of the mother’s DNA and 50% of the father’s DNA. Check your facts. Yes we may carry that child for 9 months but that does not give us automatic rights to do to the child as we wish.

“A man doesn’t even factor into anything until before conception to after birth.”  So I did a quick Google search to see if this was true. Actually some studies have found that a father’s involvement during pregnancy significantly lowers infant mortality rates.

“Among the study’s findings:

  • Infants with absent fathers were more likely to be born with lower birth weights, to be preterm and small for gestational age.
  • Regardless of race or ethnicity, the neonatal death rate of father-absent infants was nearly four times that of their counterparts with involved fathers.
  • The risk of poor birth outcomes was highest for infants born to black women whose babies’ fathers were absent during their pregnancies. Even after adjusting for socioeconomic differences, these babies were seven times more likely to die in infancy than babies born to Hispanic and white women in the same situation.
  • Obstetric complications contributing to premature births, such as anemia, chronic high blood pressure, eclampsia and placental abruption, were more prevalent among women whose babies’ fathers were absent during pregnancy.”

I guess fathers do factor into something after conception and before birth.

“Women haven’t turned against their own children, it’s a fetus until it’s born and until then it’s a just a bundle of cells that don’t have some inherent right to exist…” Again she just doesn’t believe a child is a unique life when in the womb. Which I don’t understand considering all the facts about child development within utero clearly show that it is a living being who is genetically unique from anyone else. Then again this is coming from the same woman who called an unborn child a parasite.

“Believe what you want. If you want to believe that a fucking spaghetti monster rules over the world, or that a huge kraken thing is going to destroy the world someday, or that a fetus should have more rights then it’s mother then that’s fine. Go be batshit insane in a corner far away from me, and we’ll be fine. Infringe upon my rights, and the rights of my gender, and we have a SERIOUS problem. The rights that I enjoy as a female have only been around, at most, for 30 years and at least about 13 years. That is less than the average lifespan of a American citizen, and that is extremely fucked up. I will fight for my rights, and I will vote to keep my rights to decide what I want to do with my own body.

If you are female and have those “Wendy David doesn’t speak for this woman” photos on your Facebook then I pity you. I pity you because you apparently have no concept of how short a time women have had almost full control over their own bodies, and how hard we should fight to keep the rights that our mothers and grandmothers fought for. Men have no right deciding what a woman does to her body, or with her body, and they have no “god-given” superiority over women. We are not the weaker sex, we deal with periods and pain every month and we can create life though to bring it into the world is again very painful, and we are not second class citizens.”

So comparing my beliefs that a baby should have the right to live (which is not more rights than the mother has) to believing in the spaghetti monster or a huge kraken… Really mature to say the least. Then she says, “Go be batshit insane in a corner far away from me, and we’ll be fine.” Well I for one am not insane, thank you. I just care about children in general, including those still in their mother’s womb. Your rights should not infringe on the rights of another human being.
If you are female and have those “Wendy David doesn’t speak for this woman” photos on your Facebook then I pity you. I pity you because you apparently have no concept of how short a time women have had almost full control over their own bodies, and how hard we should fight to keep the rights that our mothers and grandmothers fought for.For one it is “Wendy Davis” but I will just consider this a mistyped letter. Secondly please don’t pity me (I have one of those photos you are talking about). I will never feel guilt that I abort a living child. I know that what I am standing up for is morally right. I understand that women have fought for their rights for some time and only recently have been victorious, however I do not think that those rights include killing their children.

Men have no right deciding what a woman does to her body, or with her body, and they have no “god-given” superiority over women. We are not the weaker sex, we deal with periods and pain every month and we can create life though to bring it into the world is again very painful, and we are not second class citizens.” I have never said men have “God-given superiority” over women. However I do believe that women should respect and honor their husbands and in turn men should love their wives to a point where they would lay down their lives for them. This view comes from the Biblical roles given to husbands and wives.

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansingher by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Ephesians 5:21-33 NIV

Love includes respect, trust, loyalty, and many other healthy behaviors that should be in a relationship. Husbands and wives are to submit to one another. The biblical view of marriage does not create a male dominant partnership where the women is not allowed any say. It creates a relationship founded on love and respect, where both partners have a say in what happens and listen to each other. The Bible also does not say that women are the “weaker sex.” Men and women are biologically different because we have different roles. It is a scientific fact that women are not built to do as much physical labor as men. Our bodies are just not designed that way. We are also very different psychologically. This does not mean that one sex is weaker than the other. Yes periods and labor are very painful, but our bodies were designed to handle it in a way that a mans cannot. Instead of trying to make this out to be a contest, why not just accept that each sex is different and has their own roles?

So that is the end of my friend’s post. Whenever I read something like this I have to shake my head and wonder what is our world coming to. Yes I believe women should have positions of power, be equal in the workplace, and have the rights to vote. I think a women should be free to pursue a career of her choice. I’m all for women’s rights, but abortion is not a woman’s right. Life is a human right that is being denied to millions of unborn children.


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